May08

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Dem 51

   

GOP 49

Scavenger Hunt, Part VIII: Punchlines...

There are many reasons that a little cheer is called for right now. And readers will recall that last July 4, we invited scavenger hunt submissions. As a reminder, these were the prompts for things readers were asked to send in:

1. The single photograph or image that best encapsulates the Trump presidency. (click here and here)
2. Something that would make a terrible Christmas gift for Joe Biden. (click here)
3. A book that Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell would never, ever read. (click here)
4. A t-shirt that would be very apropos for Chief Justice John Roberts to wear. (click here and here)
5. The wisest, most insightful, or most pithy quote ever to be uttered by a politician or political figure (need not be limited to Americans). (click here)
6. The worst bumper sticker, button, yard sign or other campaign-related ephemera in U.S. history. (Still time to submit here)
7. A portrayal of a key figure in U.S. history—image, song, verse, book, etc.—that is even more ridiculous than Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. (Still time to submit here)
8. This isn't exactly a scavenger hunt type question, but we're going with it anyhow. Finish this joke: "Donald Trump, Ron DeSantis and Hillary Clinton walk into a bar..." (Still time to submit here)

We still have those responses on file, waiting for the right time to return to them. Today is that day, especially since we plan to do the same THIS July 4, and need to clear the decks. We'll work through everything, but we felt today like jumping to the end of the list. So, "Donald Trump, Ron DeSantis and Hillary Clinton walk into a bar..."

• A.R. in Los Angeles, CA: ...and only Hillary is smart enough to duck under it.
  
  
• M.S. in Canton, NY: ...and the bartender says, "Hey, I never expected to see you three together! What's up?"
  
  One of them answers: "We realized that if we worked together, we could solve the country's debt problem. Each of us is going to issue specialty bonds: Clinton bonds, DeSantis bonds, and Trump bonds. Clinton bonds have no principle, DeSantis bonds get no interest, and Trump bonds never mature."
  
  
• S.D. in St Paul, MN: ...and Trump takes some cheap shots; Clinton had a shot but blew it; DeSantis never had a shot.
  
  
• S.S. in Santa Monica, CA: ...and the friendly mixologist, used to serving America's most famous and powerful people, is completely prepared for the moment. "Secretary Clinton, may I offer you a glass of Chardonnay? A pint of Guinness for you, Governor DeSantis? Mr. President, your usual Diet Coke this evening?"
  
  All three nod their heads and smile with approval at the bartender's perfectly researched suggestions. After the drinks are served, the bartender hands them their bill. "That'll be $12.50, Secretary Clinton. Governor, yours is $12.50 as well. Mr. President, yours comes to $13,012.50. Thank you, everyone!"
  
  Trump bellows, "Barman! Why is my Diet Coke $13,000 more than their drinks?"
  
  The bartender looks Trump square in the eye and says, "Because I won't need a lawyer to collect their tabs."
  
  
• D.C. in South Elgin, IL: ...and the barkeep says, "Hey! Look! A woman with TWO a**holes!"
  
  
• G.C. in Alexandra, VA: ...and as the waiter approaches he asks each of them what they want. Trump asks for a diet soda; DeSantis asks for anything but a Bud Light; and Hillary asks for a different server.
  
  
• C.T.P. in Lancaster, PA: ..and Hillary Clinton says, "With these two as my companions, this definitely is not a 'dumb blonde' joke!"
  
  
• J.F. in Fort Worth, TX: ...and the bartender says, "I'm sorry, ma'am, but you can't bring children in here."
  
  
• J.H. in Wellington, New Zealand: ...and the bartender says "Cosmopolitan, Harvey Wallbanger, and a Moscow Mule, coming right up."
  
  
• T.F. in Austin, TX: ...Clinton looks around the room and declares the clientele to be deplorable. She turns around and leaves.
  
  DeSantis loudly declares the black, red, and white dartboard to be too woke. He turns around and leaves.
  
  Trump confidently walks up to the bartender and loudly asks: "Is this the place that all my lawyers keep getting kicked out of?"

We'll have more responses in the near future. (Z)