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It is one of the oldest traditions in American politics. When you are running as part of a presidential ticket, and you are traveling around the country campaigning, you sample local foods so as to communicate you respect the local culture and you are a man or a woman "of the people." That means that whether you really like the food or not, you eat Pączki in Michigan or Illinois, BBQ in Texas, crab cakes in Maryland, Key Lime pie in Florida and deep fried things that should really not be deep fried at the Iowa State fair. J.D. Vance is clearly aware of the tradition but, beyond that, he has no idea how to actually navigate these appearances. This week alone, he screwed up not one, not two, but THREE of them so badly that they went viral.
First up was one of the most traditional candidate stops of them all: Pat's King of Steaks for a Philly cheesesteak sandwich (though we must concede, we prefer Geno's, and what we REALLY prefer is a roast pork sandwich). Now, what happened with Vance is being mis-reported in some places. The would-be VP was clearly aware that John Kerry botched his Pat's trip in 2004, and asked for swiss cheese on his sandwich (the correct option is Cheez Whiz, and the only other options are Provolone and American). Anyhow, Vance asked why Philadelphians hate Swiss cheese, while noting he is in agreement. The staff was confused, because Philadelphians don't hate Swiss cheese, they just don't put it on cheesesteaks, probably because it doesn't melt fully enough for that purpose. Point is, just order and eat your damn cheesesteak, and don't try to score points with a clumsy callback to a minor controversy from 20 years ago.
Next up, the next day, was Tenuta's Deli in Kenosha, WI, a well-known purveyor of Italian foodstuffs. Again, trying to be a charmer, Vance asked the staff if they have any foods they don't like, so that he might buy some for the reporters who are part of his entourage. First of all, J.D., no small business is going to say, "You know, our eggplant parmesan is actually really awful." Second, how tacky to crap on the reporters like that. These are people who are just trying to do their jobs, and who are, incidentally, providing you a lot of free publicity.
Vance got through all three meals on Wednesday, but on Thursday, he was back to putting his foot in his mouth. Now in Valdosta, GA, he visited a donut shop for a really cringeworthy appearance (which you can watch here). He tried to make small talk with the staff of the donut shop, who clearly had not been warned about his visit in advance, and who even more clearly had no idea who he is. He tried a humble-brag about how he just so happens to be running for vice president; the staffers' body language communicated "Vice president of... what?" Eventually, when it was obvious that the two people behind the counter just wanted to do their jobs and move on to the next customer, Vance tried to place an order, but he has only a vague idea of what the different kinds of donuts are (he knew about glazed and sprinkles, and that's about it), and so told the staff to give him "whatever makes sense."
In short, if Vance is going for "man of the people," he's not doing a good job of it. If he's going for "weird" (and "socially awkward" and "barely capable of normal human interaction") then he's knocking it out of the park. Since he's said so many cruel things, and has embraced so many cruel policy ideas, we have no problem in enjoying a little schadenfreude at his expense when he can't even navigate something so simple as placing his sandwich/donut order. (Z)