Sep.01

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This Week in Schadenfreude: Everything Happens To Me

We would guess that approximately 100.0% of lawyers, and some sizable chunk of non-lawyers, are familiar with the observation that someone who represents themselves has a fool for an attorney. We do not generally use this space to talk about the 1/6 defendants and their sentences, since it's kind of like shooting fish in a barrel, but Brandon Fellows worked so very hard to give an object lesson in "don't represent yourself" that we are going to make an exception.

Fellows was among the many people who breached the Capitol during the insurrection. In his case, he headed to the office of Sen. Jeff Merkley (D-OR), put his feet up on the desk there, and smoked a joint. We suspect that's not the first time that's happened in that office, but you can't do it if you don't have to have permission to be there.

Among the things that could go wrong if you represent yourself:

• Showing Ignorance: Check. The defendant said he didn't know it was a Senator's desk. Of course, if you don't know where you are, you can't say you thought it was OK to be there.
  
  
• Raging Against the Machine: Check. Fellows said he was challenging "the corrupt government." This is not a defense against insurrection, unless your side wins, and otherwise just serves to make you look nutty before members of the jury.
  
  
• Dumb Defense: Check. When you're on trial for a criminal offense, you can either argue you didn't do the criminal act in question, or you can say you did do the act, but that your version of the act was not what the law deems to be criminal. Fellows went with neither approach, instead decreeing: "It's the people's house. We had the right to overthrow it."
  
  
• Amateur Errors: Check. Since Fellows does not understand court procedure, he made a mistake that forestalled the possibility of rebuttal testimony after a key cross examination.
  
  
• Pissing off the Court: Check. When Fellows was advised of his procedural error, he sniffed that "I would expect nothing less from a kangaroo court." That led to the defendant being held in contempt, at which time he decided to improve on the situation by calling it a "Nazi court."

As a result of his behavior in the courtroom, Fellows has already been sentenced to 5 months, just for contempt. And this is from Judge Trevor McFadden who is, let's just say, very friendly to Trumpism. Once the jury comes back and renders the inevitable guilty verdict, Fellows will undoubtedly have his stay as a guest of Uncle Sam extended by several years. But at least he can sing "My Way" to make himself feel better while he sits in his cell. None of them highfalutin' edumicated public defenders for him—No sir!

Of course, having an actual lawyer only goes so far, especially if you committed serious crimes. And so, since we are on the subject anyhow, we'll note that two of the leaders of the Proud Boys, who did have proper lawyers representing them, got long sentences handed down yesterday. Joseph Biggs gets 17 years, Zachary Rehl gets 15. The only longer sentence thus far is the 18 years given to Stewart Rhodes. That said, Enrique Tarrio's sentence will be handed down next week, and he figures to leave them all in the dust.

In any event, the piper is now being paid, and plenty of insurrectionists are now getting heaping helpings of their just desserts. Though the fate of the true kingpins is still pending. (Z)