Dem
51
GOP
49
We were asked, over the weekend, to make available the complete versions of the "I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General" parodies. So, we have gone back to that posting and restored the verses we edited out.
Today, to wrap up this year's incarnation of "December to Rhymember," a couple of year-in-review entries. This one is from M.P. in Leasburg, MO, and is inspired, as the author explains, "by both the New Year and Bob Dylan's 'Tangled up in Blue' (Electoral Vote blue, that is!):
Early one morning as the year began anew
I was laying in bed
Wondering if they'd changed at all
If his hair was still orange
The pundits they said our lives together
Sure was gonna be rough
They never did like the red's best guess
Turtle's bankbook wasn't big enough
And we're standing on the side of the road
Stupidity falling round us like a ruse
Feels like we've all seen a ghost
Lord knows we've all paid some dues
Getting through, (if we can just get)
Tangled up in blue.
MTG was married when we all first met
Soon to be divorced
McCarthy helpin' her out of a jam I guess
Our friends need to set a new course
We all voted as hard as we could
The far-right felt they were blessed
Split up on a November night
Independents knew it was for the best
They know that it has to be
Voting that way
We heard then say over our shoulder
"We'll all meet again someday
based on popularity," (if we can just get)
Tangled up in blue
Santos has a job in the great north woods
Working as a politician for a spell
But honest folk didn't like it all that much
And one day the ax just fell
He drifted down to Brazil
So lucky he knows how to kite
Working for a while on a street corner
Right outside of a bank
But all the while he was alone
The past was close behind
He's all about a fraudulent scheme
But he never escaped our mind
And as new voters grew, (if we can just get)
Tangled up in blue
She was working in a lawless place
We just stopped by for a beer
A gun just might get stuck upside our face
Although it could be your atmosphere
And later on when the crowd thinned out
We were just about to do the same
She was standing there in back of my friend's chair
And said, "What do you think about my sidearm?"
Not really here to pursue our death
She had employees packin' throughout the place
We must admit we felt a little uneasy
When she bent down to reload
We just wanted a burger and a brew (Geez, we really have to get)
Tangled up in blue
He appeared from nowhere and offered us a pillow
"I thought you'd never buy it," he said,
"You all see through my tripe."
Then they tried to get us on a bus to Amarillo
And handed us some tickets
Purchased by some aide to DeSatan
Really come on, it's the 21st century
And for everyone, the words rang true
And what was grim is now so clear
Pouring off of every voter registration
Like it was a whole new year
Shake the voodoo and deja-vu (Let's do it and get)
Tangled up in blue
So now we're going back again
We've got to get there somehow
All the people we used to know
They're getting replaced with nut jobs now
Some are drunken mathematicians
Some are other dude's wives
Don't know how it all got started
I don't know what they do with their lives
But we are still on the road
In search of that legal joint
We always did feel the same
It's a new year and a different point of view
(We MUST get)
Tangled up in blue!
To paraphrase the show M*A*S*H: "Aaaaaah, Dylan!"
And bringing up the rear is J.L. in Los Angeles, CA with this year-in-review piece that brings to mind... well, Beowulf:
2002 is now history
Filled with drama and controversy
And political adversity
Lots to see
On E-V
How's your memory?
Starting with January...
Rudy Giuliani
Says "subpoenas aren't for me"
Manchin and Sinema get ornery
GOP blocks Fed nominees
Ukraine invaded by Russian military
Everybody loves V. Zelenskyy
Clarence and Ginni
Scheming activity
Farewell, Jen Psaki
Republican AGs
Sue over border policy
CRT is public enemy
DeSantis takes on Disney
SCOTUS is leaky
Let there be...
Primaries!
Meanwhile, gas is getting costly
Massacre in Uvalde
Is buying guns too damn easy?
Oz will be the PA nominee for the GOP
Even though he's from New Jersey
The 1/6 Committee
Holds hearings about the attack on democracy
With weekly testimony
About conspiracy
Skillfully edited for TV
Herschel Walker's many babies!
The Supreme Court says Roe is history
Abortion is now state policy
Bans pop up across the country
Meanwhile, back in Washington, DC
We hear Cassidy
Reveal Trump's tantrum in the SUV
Steven Breyer, 83
Is replaced by Justice Ketanji
But SCOTUS is still 6-3
Biden meets with head Saudi
Fist pump seen as too friendly
Especially with Golf's new LIV
Steve Bannon found guilty
New York Post: Trump Is Unworthy
U.S. drone strike kills al Qaeda's Al-Zawahiri
Just as Taiwan gets a visit from Nancy
Car crash kills Rep. Jackie Walorski
An ad for Liz from Dick Cheney
She's got a real tough primary
And then the game changed suddenly
As Mar-a-Lago was raided quietly
Oh, did I say "quietly"?
Not with Trump screaming angrily!
He declassified those documents verbally
(And cleared some of them telepathically?)
He really needs to take this seriously
This info could put agents into jeopardy
Meantime, did Trump's attorney
Commit perjury
By saying all the docs were returned completely?
Oh, gee!
The Inflation Reduction Act could make history
Trying to help the economy
With investments into clean energy
To help fight climate change... finally!
In Wyoming's primary
Real bad news for Liz Cheney.
She'll have lots of free time come January.
Speaking of time that's free
A retirement announcement from Anthony Fauci
In Alaska, RCV
Results in a loss for the GOP
DeSantis weaponizes refugees
Is kidnapping still a felony?
A billionaire whose name starts with "E"
Buys Twitter for $44 billion with a "B"
And thus begins the insanity
Herschel Walker's campaign is in flaming debris
And things look just as bad in PA and AZ
A conservative wacko attacks Paul Pelosi
A new king and two new PMs for GB
Now their Prime Minister's name is Rishi
The SCOTUS tells a senator named Lindsey
That he must finally talk to a Georgia grand jury
And then we all vote for an R, I, or D
And a Republican red wave becomes a slim victory
Bad candidate quality
Democratic opportunity
Who will lead the RNC?
And then Trump declares his next candidacy
For the presidency
But first, please buy my cool NFT
A new Special Counsel comes from the AG
To investigate Trump's widespread villainy
The RNC orders an autopsy
And the Dems elect Hakeem Jeffries
To be the leader of the upcoming House minority
Raphael Warnock gets a big victory
(finally!)
Sinema switches to I from a D
But Senate Democrats keep their majority
And mess with the schedule for the next primary
After 10 months, an athlete named Brittney
Is released from a Russian penitentiary
And returned to her family
Marriage is protected for LGBT
From sea to sparkly sea
While McCarthy mates with Marjorie
The Supreme Court of NC
Says no to laws for voter ID
But don't get too happy
'Cause starting next year, the court's majority
Will shift to the GOP
The report from the 1/6 Committee
Points the finger at Trump and his cabal of lackeys
The most corrupt presidency
In history
Will leave a legacy
Of infamy
A surprise visit from Mr. Zelenskyy
Gets Washington photo-ops a'plenty
But shores up support as Ukraine fights off the Russkies.
And lastly
A government shutdown averted narrowly
Passing a $1.7 trillion budget (with a "T")
As the temps drop to 1 degree
(or less!)
Time to get out of DC
Have a Christmas that's merry
And come back when there's a Republican majority
In the House on January 3
To start investigations with wild glee
Assuming there's a speakership for Kevin McCarthy
Get the popcorn and watch the melee
As we enter 2023!
Happy New Year from (V) and (Z)
And also from me!
Hear, Hear!
Thanks to everyone who sent submissions; we got over 700 poems this year. January, of course, is predictions month; we'll get started on that tomorrow. (Z)