Which Inmate Is Running the Asylum?

We have never, ever liked Elon Musk. It used to be that when we observed that he's a giant jerk, we'd get e-mails from readers telling us we were off base. We don't get those e-mails anymore.

As Musk and his Band of Bros try to get rid of as many federal employees as they can, they have shown both incompetence and callousness in nearly equal quantities. As readers will surely know by now, someone at DOGE (presumably Musk himself) sent out an e-mail over the weekend demanding that all federal employees make a list of five things they did last week, so that their ongoing value as employees could be evaluated. Those who did not respond were, ostensibly, at risk of immediate termination.

Let's start with the callous aspect of all of this. It's obvious, yes, but it is still worth saying (well, writing) out loud. The folks who work for the federal government, either as regular employees or as contractors, are, by and large, loyal and hardworking public servants who—in many cases—left money on the table by agreeing to work in the public sector. They have families, they have mortgages, they have lives, they are human beings. To make them jump through stupid, insulting hoops—like they are trained seals begging for a treat—is just reprehensible.

And the specific nature of the hoops makes it all the worse. To send the e-mail out over the weekend, when people are trying to de-stress and forget that they could be unemployed at any minute, is a jerk move. To propose that a person's value can easily be distilled down to a few bullet points is a jerk move. And the ultimate insult, in many ways, is this: There is no good way for Musk and his scummy underlings to actually read and process tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands of e-mails. So, the plan is (or was?) to have them all be processed by AI. If there is a better way to dehumanize people, we cannot think of what it might be.

Now let's move on to the incompetence aspect, though by the time you read this, things may have moved forward several more steps. After Musk sent the first e-mail, quite a few high-ranking Trumpers told their underlings to ignore him. That includes some folks you might not expect, such as FBI Director Kash Patel and DNI Tulsi Gabbard. So, for a while, the "send us a bullet-point e-mail" command was in doubt (and that's before we get into the legality of the whole thing).

What happened next, quite obviously, is that Musk went running to Donald Trump to whine, and moan, and cry. And Trump sent a message from his very sad little social media platform in which he backed Musk, while Musk sent a second e-mail making clear that the bullet point demand was back on, and employees damn well better respond, or else they would be immediately terminated. Yesterday afternoon, Trump once again gave his support, saying that employees who did not follow Musk's orders would be "fired" or else "semi-fired." Nobody seems to know what it means to be "semi-fired."

So, did this mean that there was finally clarity? Not remotely. Just hours after Trump issued the "fired"/"semi-fired" warning, the Office of Personnel Management sent out a message declaring, in no uncertain terms, that responding to Musk's demands was optional, and that a non-response would not lead to termination. That's where things stood as of 2:00 a.m. PT on Tuesday; who knows what the situation will be by, say, 2:00 p.m. PT on Tuesday?

With that said, when it comes to this whole mess, there are a few things we think we do know. The first is that Musk, for all his wealth and success and bravado, is clearly in over his head. He keeps making embarrassing mistake after embarrassing mistake, wherein he shoots himself in the foot, over and over. And this is before any of the legal stuff can get off the ground, even though we all know a hailstorm of anti-DOGE lawsuits is coming. With Trump, way back in 2016 (campaign) or 2017 (commencement of his administration), we kept looking for the underlying plan, the logic, the chess moves. And it turns out those things weren't there. We are not inclined to make that mistake again with Musk. It is possible he is brilliant in other domains, but in this domain, he's lost.

Second, it's apparent that many of the other Trumpers have concluded that Musk is incompetent, or that he's a threat, or both, and they are preparing to defend their turf. Due to the kind of people Trump attracts and hires, and due to the fact that he is himself an incompetent manager, his first term was marked by all kinds of turf wars between various underlings, usually ending in someone being broomed. This time around, the turf wars are getting started much earlier and are developing much quicker.

Third, and we admit we're not sure about this one, but increasingly we are inclined toward the view that Trump is intimidated by Musk. Keep in mind that, when he's not punching down, and sometimes even when he is, Trump is pretty spineless. That's not meant as a personal attack, it's just the way he is. Famously, just to take one example, the fellow whose catchphrase is "You're Fired" could not actually bear to fire people when he ran the Trump Organization, and almost always foisted the dirty work off on someone else.

What we are suggesting here is that, even as Musk steps on every toe in Washington, Trump doesn't have the courage to rein him in. And because the South African does not occupy a formal position, there's no one else in the hierarchy above him. Will The Donald actually grow a pair and impose some discipline on Musk? And, if so, will it actually come from the President, or will he send someone like Stephen Miller to do it? These are good questions.

At very least, it will undoubtedly brighten some readers' days to know that Musk is coming in for a heaping helping of scorn. To start with, hackers managed to breach the computer that controls the TV monitors at HUD, and they put this video on all the screens, on loop:

It would seem we're not the only ones to take notice of the tone and tenor of the Trump-Musk relationship.

Meanwhile, the e-mail address that is being used for federal employees' "mandatory" responses is not a secret. It's hr@opm.gov. And so, those who wish to engage in a little resistance have been sending helpful bullet-point lists to DOGE. For example:

Dear Elon,

Here's what I did last week:

• got blitzed on ketamine
• ignored my children
• tweeted 1,782 times
• wore weird sunglasses inside
• got humiliated by astronauts

Honestly I think I should be fired for this, but that's your call.

Or this one:

E-mail to President Musk

Subject: What I did last week

• I golfed
• I golfed
• I golfed
• I rode around the track at Daytona
• I followed Putin's orders

Do l get a diet coke and a Big Mac?

Love, Donny

Or this:

What I did last week:

• did not give you up
• did not let you down
• did not run around and desert you
• did not make you cry
• did not say goodbye

Bonus accomplishment in voluntary overtime:

• did not tell a lie and hurt you

Now THAT is some ninja-level rickrolling.

Anyhow, if you know anyone who might like to participate in a little mockery of Musk, the e-mail address, once again, is hr@opm.gov. The more that inbox gets clogged with fake e-mails, the less useful it will be to the DOGE folks. (Z)

Today's Crazypants Roundup: "Law Enforcement" in the Age of Trump

Sigh. The amount of crazypants news has piled up to the point that we are now doing themed roundups. Today's rundown is about law enforcement. Tomorrow (or maybe Friday) will be about efforts to silence all opposition. Here are the four sledgehammers, of various sizes, that the Trump administration has taken to fair and impartial administration of justice in the last week or so:

• Kash Patel: It is pretty evident that there is a limited supply of knee-bending lackeys whom Donald Trump thinks he can really trust. Remember how Jared Kushner's portfolio, during Trump v1.0, included something like four different jobs? Well, newly confirmed FBI Director Kash Patel has just picked up a second hat to wear; he will be the "Acting" Director of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (ATF).
  
  The reason that we put "Acting" in quotes is that the Senate has confirmed only two ATF directors in the last two decades. B. Todd Jones was confirmed in 2013, and served until 2015, and Steve Dettelbach was confirmed in 2022 and served until 2025. That means that, among other things, Trump never managed to get an ATF Director confirmed during his first term. Regina Lombardo held the post on an "Acting" basis for about 2 years, from 2019-21, and that was it. So, expect Patel to hold on to the job for a good, long time—maybe until 2029.
  
  There is little question what Patel's task will be here—to do everything possible to take the "F" out of ATF. Second Amendment zealots were not happy about Dettelbach, who pushed for more background checks and tighter restrictions on "ghost guns." Just in case there was any question as to the new "mission" of ATF, AG Pam Bondi fired the Bureau's chief counsel, Pamela Hicks, last week. Hicks worked for the Department of Justice for more than 20 years, and was chief counsel to ATF for more than 3 years, but Bondi claims that Hicks was "targeting gun owners," and was part of a plot to "weaponize" ATF. The National Shooting Sports Foundation, which has largely supplanted the NRA as D.C.'s #1 pro-gun lobby, has already put out a press release heartily congratulating Patel on his new post. Undoubtedly, he will lead the thoughts and prayers next time a bunch of children are mowed down by a school shooter.
  
  
• Dan Bongino: Kash Patel not only has a new job, he also has a new right-hand man, as Trump has appointed Dan Bongino to be the deputy FBI director. The post does not require Senate confirmation, so Bongino is already on the job.
  
  One could make the argument that Bongino is qualified to assume the deputy directorship, as he does have a law enforcement background. He served as an NYPD officer for 4 years, and then was a part of the U.S. Secret Service for a little over a decade. However, the deputy director's post is nearly always filled by an FBI careerist, and Bongino is not that, having never been a part of the FBI in any capacity.
  
  Of course, it isn't Bongino's law-enforcement résumé that Trump really cares about. It's Bongino's career as a far-right, extremely whackadoodle, Trump-cultist podcaster. At various times, the newly appointed FBI bigwig has declared that his mission is to "own the libs" because they are "pure unadulterated evil." He's also described Trump as "an apex predator" and "the lion king." One wonders if Bongino actually saw that movie since... the lion king ends up dead after being betrayed by a family member. As you might imagine, the now-former podcaster is all-in on every conspiracy theory you can think of, from the 2020 election being stolen, to the deep state, to Joe Biden being in bed with China, to the documents at Mar-a-Lago being planted by Trump's enemies.
  
  The appointment of Bongino is not exactly going to do wonders for morale at the Bureau. While the rank-and-file agents were not thrilled at the choice of Patel, the deputy director is actually more important to their day-to-day lives, as it's the deputy director who oversees daily operations. The agents also remember, very well, that Bongino has attacked their work at every turn, describing the FBI as "irredeemably corrupt." We're not so sure he was right when he made that declaration, but he might be right as of yesterday.
  
  
• Ed Martin: It's somewhat less likely that readers have heard of Martin, as he's flown under the radar a bit more than Patel and Bongino. However, he's been on an unbelievable run of corrupt behavior in the past week or so, so his name may soon be mentioned in the same breath as those of his "illustrious" colleagues.
  
  Since Trump took office, Martin has served as acting U.S. Attorney for the District of Columbia, and he's already been nominated to keep the job on a permanent basis. In a shocking turn of events, he has relatively limited experience practicing law, and zero experience as a prosecutor. Normally, that would be unacceptable for someone who will serve as one of the most important prosecutors in the country.
  
  How did he get the gig? Well, he's got a long career as a Roger Stone-like political operative and provocateur, having served as an assistant to Phyllis Schlafly for many years, and having run for political office many times, without any success. However, what really put Martin on Trump's radar screen was two things. First—and stop us if you've heard this before—he was a far-right radio host and podcaster who had many flattering things to say about Trump, and many conspiratorial things to say about Trump's opponents. Second, he helped to defend several 1/6 rioters (of which he was also one, though he was not charged with any crimes), and he helped to raise money for the defense of many more.
  
  So, what's the corrupt behavior we allude to? To start, he oversaw the dismissal of a whole bunch of 1/6 cases. That's not great, but it's probably not enough to cost Martin his bar card. However, one of the dismissals involved someone he himself had represented. Now THAT's enough to cost him his bar card (and there's already been a formal complaint filed).
  
  Martin has also been waving his sword (briefcase?) around, and threatening to prosecute anyone who has said mean things about Donald Trump in the past, or who plans to do so in the future. He's specifically gone after a few DOGE critics, and also Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY). Martin has taken to referring to his campaign against Trump/Musk-critical Democrats as "Operation Whirlwind."
  
  Most egregiously, after Martin learned that the firm of Covington & Burling was providing legal advice to former special counsel Jack Smith free of charge, Martin sent out a tweet in which he decreed: "Save your receipts, Smith and Covington. We'll be in touch soon." This is a violation of several codes of professional conduct, such as the ones that warn prosecutors that they cannot threaten people who seek counsel, nor the attorneys with whom they confer.
  
  And the list does not end there. Over the weekend, a woman—whose name we prefer not to share—called the police and said that she is having an affair with Rep. Cory Mills (R-FL), and that she was assaulted by him during an argument. She even appeared at the police station to show the bruises on her arms. Later, however, she recanted her story, explaining that she was just suffering from jet lag.
  
  Since the report was made in D.C., the police there were required to investigate—the laws of the District dictate that the police move forward once there is a claim of domestic violence, even if the person making the claim thinks better of it later. The police decided there was indeed an assault, and so tried to secure a warrant for Mills' arrest. To be valid, that application for the warrant had to be signed by... Ed Martin. And somehow, some way, the paperwork has disappeared into the void.
  
  It's not too hard to reach the conclusion that Martin, who is clearly a hardcore partisan, has done the math and decided that the last thing that Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA) needs is to be missing another vote for days or weeks or months, depending on what might happen with the Congressman. We'll see in the next few days if this blows up in Martin's incredibly sleazy face, or if he's able to get away with it.
  
  
• What Data?: One last bit of news. In response to the murder of George Floyd, the federal government created the National Law Enforcement Accountability Database (NLEAD). This is a database that allows for misconduct by federal law enforcement officers to be documented, so that rotten cops cannot escape their pasts by changing agencies (say, from the FBI to the U.S. Marshals Service). As of this week, NLEAD is no more. We guess the problem of police misconduct has been solved, for all time.
  
  It is understandable that the Trump administration decided to put the kibosh on this initiative. After all, the idea came from... wait a minute... the last Trump administration. Hmmmmm. Unfortunately, problem #1 is that it was the Biden administration that actually completed implementation, and anything that bears the fingerprints of any Democrat has to go. And problem #2 is that there are plenty of people in Trump's base who think law enforcement officials should be able to do anything they want, anytime they want, no questions asked, and no records kept.

Over the weekend, Trump decreed that, with these moves, "Fairness, Justice, Law and Order will be brought back to America, and quickly." We are now a decade into his political career, and it still boggles the mind that he can say such things with a straight face. (Z)

U.S. Throws Ukraine to the Wolves

Was Donald Trump's offer to Volodymyr Zelenskyy—military aid in exchange for an overly generous amount of rare earth metals—serious? We don't know, but we'd kind of like to see Zelenskyy call Trump's bluff. Option one would be to say that Ukraine would be happy to make such a trade, and then to negotiate in the court of public opinion, putting Trump's unreasonableness and greed on full display. Option two would be to reach a deal, allow the Trump administration to spend a few years building the necessary infrastructure to extract and purify the rare earths, and then to say, "Sorry, U.S., we changed our mind. Get out." Trump has been backsliding on his agreements for decades, and is backsliding on several agreements with Ukraine right now, so this would amount to giving him a taste of his own medicine.

Regardless of how willing Trump was to make a deal with Ukraine (and, truth be told, we don't think that was ever a real consideration), he's moved on now, and is all-in on Russia/Vlad Putin. Here is a tweet from last week that lays things out, and that was apparently important enough that Trump fired up his old eX-Twitter account to rebroadcast it:

Think of it, a modestly successful comedian, Volodymyr Zelenskyy, talked the United States of America into spending $350 Billion Dollars, to go into a War that couldn't be won, that never had to start, but a War that he, without the U.S. and "TRUMP," will never be able to settle. The United States has spent $200 Billion Dollars more than Europe, and Europe's money is guaranteed, while the United States will get nothing back. Why didn't Sleepy Joe Biden demand Equalization, in that this War is far more important to Europe than it is to us—We have a big, beautiful Ocean as separation. On top of this, Zelenskyy admits that half of the money we sent him is "MISSING." He refuses to have Elections, is very low in Ukrainian Polls, and the only thing he was good at was playing Biden "like a fiddle." A Dictator without Elections, Zelenskyy better move fast or he is not going to have a Country left. In the meantime, we are successfully negotiating an end to the War with Russia, something all admit only "TRUMP," and the Trump Administration, can do. Biden never tried, Europe has failed to bring Peace, and Zelenskyy probably wants to keep the "gravy train" going. I love Ukraine, but Zelenskyy has done a terrible job, his Country is shattered, and MILLIONS have unnecessarily died—And so it continues...

The falsehoods pile up so fast, it's astonishing. Among them: (1) the U.S. has sent a bit less than $66 billion to Ukraine since the war against Russia started, not $300 billion; (2) Ukraine, of course, did not start the war; (3) Zelenskyy has not said that the money from the U.S. is "missing"; (4) Zelenskyy is not a dictator; while it's true that elections have been suspended, that's actually required by the Ukrainian constitution when the nation is under martial law; (5) Zelenskyy is not polling poorly; although Trump claimed in a different tweet that the Ukrainian's approval is at 4%, it's actually at 57%; (6) while there is wide disagreement about casualty figures, the highest estimate is 1 million casualties (killed, wounded, captured) and not MILLIONS dead; and (7) Zelenskyy was actually a very successful comedian. Trump may have forgotten that he was a television personality before becoming president as well.

Meanwhile, readers have undoubtedly heard of a vote-a-rama in the Senate (or the House). Well, yesterday was a resolution-a-rama at the United Nations. There were actually three different resolutions that were considered, and the U.S. position was made clear all three times. The first was a Ukraine-backed resolution that lambasted Russia as the aggressor in the Russo-Ukrainian War, and that was put before the U.N. General Assembly, where votes are non-binding. The Assembly backed Ukraine 93-18 with 65 abstentions. Among the 18 votes against Ukraine (and thus, for the Russian position) was the United States.

The United States also had a resolution of its own, which called for a swift end to the war, and tacitly blamed Ukraine for... well, everything. When that resolution went before the General Assembly, France and the U.K. managed to amend it to declare Russia to be the aggressor. The U.S. then abstained from voting on its own resolution. Thereafter, the un-amended version of the U.S. resolution was placed before the 15-member U.N. Security Council where votes ARE binding. It passed 10-0, with Britain, France, Denmark, Greece and Slovenia all abstaining. None of this means much, in practical terms, since both the non-binding and binding resolutions are pretty much just finger-pointing and posturing. However, it could not be clearer that the United States' position, and that of most European powers, have diverged considerably.

And since it's the rare earths that seem to be at the center of maneuvering right now, both factions are playing the roles that Trump has effectively forced upon them. Yesterday, the European Union offered a proposal for extracting the resources that is ostensibly fair to all parties. At almost the same time, the Russian government announced that if, perchance, it was to end up in control of the rare earths, it would be delighted to partner with the U.S. on extracting them.

We spent some time thinking yesterday about why Trump has apparently sold his soul to Vladimir Putin, and came up with a current list of theories (admittedly, most of them pretty obvious):

• It's Personal: Trump has been angry with Zelenskyy ever since the sequence of events that led to the first impeachment, and surely has not forgotten about it.
  
  
• Leverage: Putin either has a stick (kompromat) or a carrot (Trump Tower Moscow) that he's using to gain leverage over Trump.
  
  
• Useful Idiocy: Putin, who is very sharp when it comes to manipulating people, could be using his powers on Trump, who is very dull when it comes to realizing when he's being manipulated.
  
  
• The Art of the Deal: In the end, Trump sees himself, first and foremost, as the world's greatest businessman. He's not, but that's how he sees himself. And he's clearly obsessed with the financial windfall he thinks can be realized from rare earth metals. That's why he's going on about Greenland, for example. We don't exactly know who put this idea in Trump's head, but Elon Musk seems like a very safe guess. In any case, one can imagine that Trump sees a potential multi-billion-dollar, or even multi-trillion-dollar, rare earths deal as the capstone to his career as a businessman and negotiator. We are hardly experts, though we doubt there is quite as much windfall to be had as Trump thinks. Nonetheless, if this is his thought process, Denmark is not selling Greenland and Ukraine isn't going to hand over its mineral rights for a bag of magic Patriot missiles. So, if Trump wants the big score, Russian annexation of Eastern Ukraine offers the only plausible way to get it.
  
  
• For the Win: As we have written many, many times, Trump mostly wants something to brag about. And since he has poor impulse control, he wants his bragging rights NOW. Trying to force a Ukrainian surrender is certainly the quickest way to get to the press conference where Trump brags that he succeeded where Joe Biden failed, and that he ended the Russo-Ukrainian War. If this is what happened, well, it remains to be seen how pleased American voters are with a "win" accomplished by betraying an ally.

We wonder if we'll ever really know the truth. Whatever is going on—and it could easily be more than one thing on the list above, or things we haven't thought of—it's not going to be as easy as Trump thinks to achieve his Putin-fondling goals. He clearly has not accounted for the domestic political response, nor what the nations of Europe will do if and when push comes to shove. (Z)

Get Out Your Popcorn, Democrats

Sorry, this post has been kind of a downer so far. The fact is, if you're not a member of the cult MAGA Militia, there isn't a whole lot to gladden your heart these days. But that doesn't mean there is nothing to gladden your heart. In fact, yesterday witnessed the potential opening salvo in two different cases of MAGA-on-MAGA violence.

The much bigger story, and the one that is considerably more likely to linger, involves Gov. Ron DeSantis (R-FL), who is a walking testament to the power of positive delusion. He has consistently fooled himself into believing that somehow, some way, he and Donald Trump can be allies. This entirely overlooks the facts that: (1) Trump is not actually allies with anyone; everyone who is in his "circle" is someone who can be fired or banished at will by The Donald; (2) Florida is not big enough for two egos the size of Trump and DeSantis; and (3) DeSantis dared challenge the throne last year, and Trump does not forgive or forget something like that.

As of yesterday, an absolute battle royale is brewing between the President and the Governor. DeSantis, of course, is term-limited. Rep. Byron Donalds (R-FL) has not filed his paperwork yet, but has otherwise made clear he's running for governor of Florida in 2026. Further, as he is the most obedient Trump lapdog in the Florida House delegation (since Matt Gaetz resigned), Donalds quickly picked up a presidential endorsement.

The problem here is that DeSantis does not like Donalds, and does not want Donalds to be his successor. Who is DeSantis' preferred choice? That would be his wife, Casey DeSantis. Yesterday, the Sunshine State power couple appeared together, and the Governor made sure to communicate two things: (1) He thinks his wife is the best possible gubernatorial candidate the Republican Party has, and (2) He thinks Donalds is kind of a loser. "We've achieved victories in Florida," he remarked. "A guy like Byron, he just hasn't been a part of any of the victories that we've had here over the left over these last years."

Undoubtedly, Ron is having his people do polling to see if Casey is viable. Presumably she is, and if she jumps in, it's going to be a very bloody clash. Obviously, Ron DeSantis is not going to toss his wife under the bus (after all, he's not Ted Cruz). And there is no chance that Trump jumps ship on a fawning lackey like Donalds, especially for the wife of a much-disliked rival. If Gaetz also gets in, then it gets more interesting, still. The primary isn't until August 18, 2026, so this could linger for well over a year.

Meanwhile, the undercard, as it were, involves Tucker Carlson and Rep. Dan Crenshaw (R-TX). It's not clear exactly how MAGA Carlson is, since he's said some very unflattering things about Trump. However, the former Fox entertainer and current podcaster has to at least pretend to be MAGA, because that is what his audience demands. Meanwhile, in a vacuum, Crenshaw would not be MAGA at all; he would be a garden-variety Reagan Republican. However, MAGA is what voters in TX-02 demand, and so the Representative pretends to be MAGA.

The two men don't actually know each other, but they certainly do know OF each other, and they have certainly taken potshots at each other on social media. In particular, Carlson is either a Russian operative or a useful idiot, while Crenshaw is strongly pro-Ukraine. Yesterday, the Representative did an interview with a conservative outlet in the U.K. in which he criticized Carlson's stance on Ukraine, declaring that Carlson "doesn't know what he's talking about." Fair enough; we would agree with that assessment. However, once Crenshaw thought the microphones were off, he shared some additional sentiments that were a wee bit more unfiltered. Describing Carlson as "the worst person," Crenshaw threatened: "If I ever meet him, I'll fu**ing kill him."

Carlson decided that the only way to meet that challenge was head on, and so offered to send Crenshaw his address. Be careful what you wish for, Tucker; the Representative is a former Navy SEAL, and you have... eaten a lot of Campbell's Soup. Crenshaw, for his part, laughed off Carlson's response and said that there was no death threat, despite the fact that the footage is all over the Internet. This conflict has been simmering for a good, long time—we'll see if this causes it to explode in the next few weeks and months. (Z)

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